“Hold on a fucking minute. Africa? Africa is fucked NOW, let alone after the rest of the world blows up. They’re gonna take these big boats full of rich white refugees, land them in Africa, and… what? They are gonna get sold into white slavery. I hope they have a lot of guns on those boats because those African militias are going to be ready. Also, it seems like about 50% of the world’s population now has HIV. What a fantastic new Eden we’re all going to be living in, post-apocalypse. I’d rather be cogged to be perfectly honest.”—Margarita Movies: 2012: The Too-old-for-this-shit-in-chief
In the first week alone, it seemed like Sweetheart and the Situation were sweethearts, and a romantic situation seemed to be developing, but then Sweetheart decided to complicate Situation’s situation by starting a new situation with Ronnie, Sweetheart’s allegedly preferred sweetheart. When the Situation found out, the situation started to spin out of control, when The Situation started spinning out of control. The Situation stormed off, presumably, to take his mind off the situation by watching CNN’s The Situation Room alone in The Situation’s room. Meanwhile, Ronnie, Sweetheart’s sweetheart, and Sweetheart sat in the kitchen eating (in a perfect world) sweet tarts.
hundreds of travelers recently discovered the mother of all frequent flyer schemes: buying legal-tender $1 coins from the US Mint with free shipping and paying for them with miles-offering credit cards. Take the coins to the bank, use them to pay off the credit card, and keep the miles. Brilliant.
“OK, so this is total crap, We sit the kids down to watch ‘The Charlie Brown Christmas Special’ and our muslim president is there … try to convince me that wasn’t done on purpose.”—
- RUSSELL WISEMAN, mayor of Memphis suburb, Arlington, Tenn., writing on Facebook that President Obama deliberately timed his Afghanistan war speech to block the Christian message in a Christmas special scheduled at the same time
“For the good of the nation, Tiger Woods must have a three-way with the Salahis, a.k.a. the State Dinner Party Crashers. Ideally on the stage of a major awards show. If he does this, the news media will collapse in on itself, then go supernova. And the odds of its replacement turning out worse are only 26%. I like those odds. Plus, I’ve always wondered what Chris Matthews would look like accelerated to relativistic velocities. I’ve tried extrapolating from small-scale tests using a potato cannon, but it’s not the same.”—Sciencey Friday | You Are Dumb